Have you ever told someone, “You did a great job!” and they quickly replied, “No, not really” or “It was nothing”? Or maybe someone complimented you, and your first instinct was to downplay it, change the topic, or feel awkward. You’re not alone—and neither are they.
The truth is, some people just don’t know how to receive kind words. And it’s not because they’re rude or ungrateful. It’s often because they’ve never been taught how.
Many of us grew up in environments where praise was rare. Maybe you only got noticed when you messed up, not when you succeeded. Or maybe compliments were given with a hidden message—like “You’re smart but you could do better.” Over time, you learn to doubt compliments, or think they always come with strings attached.
There’s also that little voice in our heads that says we don’t deserve praise. This can come from low self-esteem, past failures, or just being too hard on ourselves. So when someone says something nice, we feel uncomfortable, like they must be wrong.
Some people feel like accepting compliments is bragging. We’re told, “Don’t get a big head,” or “Stay humble.” But there’s a big difference between accepting a compliment and being arrogant. Saying “Thank you” doesn’t make you full of yourself—it makes you respectful. As the saying goes, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”
It’s also worth mentioning that when people struggle with mental health—like anxiety or depression—it can twist their thinking. A kind word might feel unbelievable, even if it’s true. Compliments might clash with how they see themselves. So instead of letting those words in, they push them away.
Sometimes, people fear that if they accept praise, they’ll have to keep living up to it. The pressure to always be “amazing” can feel heavy. It’s easier to say, “Nah, I’m not that great,” than to deal with the pressure of high expectations.
So what can we do?
If you’re someone who finds it hard to receive kind words, try practicing a simple “Thank you.” That’s it. You don’t need to explain, apologize, or joke. Just thank the person and let it sit. It may feel strange at first, but it gets easier with time.
And if you’re giving a compliment, be genuine. People can feel the difference. A thoughtful, simple compliment can go a long way—even if the other person struggles to accept it.
Kind words are gifts. But just like gifts, some people need time to learn how to unwrap and enjoy them. Be patient—with yourself and with others. Everyone’s learning.
After all, as Mr. Rogers once said, “There’s no person in the whole world like you, and I like you just the way you are.” That’s a kind word we all deserve to hear—and believe.
Francis A Castelli 